June 28, 2022

With all the grim news about riots and threats to the Supreme Court (many of them on Twitter, which I notice is banning precious few of the leftists writing them), we all owe thanks to the anonymous Reddit poster who came up with this hilarious suggestion.

Blaming rural conservative Christians for electing Trump and causing the end of Roe, the poster wrote that “the radical Christians are found in the rural areas. Their towns are defenseless, they have almost no cops and their firemen are volunteers. They have to borrow cops and firemen from neighboring jurisdictions miles away in order to handle anything big. And they think they're safe out there. Forget burning cities, cities are on our sides. It's time for rural areas to feel the heat. You show up 100 deep in every rural town in a 50 mile radius intent on revolution, you'll crash their system and make them pay.”

As you might imagine, the responses to that were hilarious. In addition to lots of quotes from Hank Williams Jr’s’ “A Country Boy Can Survive,” here are a few of my favorites (some paraphrased for brevity):

“This is cute”…Rural people have been stockpiling ammo for two years, just in hopes that Antifa would show up…”The worst idea in the history of worst ideas ever”…”Those Christians will be happy to hear they’re that desperate to meet Jesus”…Rural people don’t need police because they’re heavily armed, they’ve been aiming for the head and the heart on man-shaped targets since they were kids, and they love to put on camouflage and hide in swamps and up trees for hours, just waiting for the chance to kill something…And the favorite line of most readers: “There will be no calls to 911.”

In case any man-bunned Antifa members have a death wish and are thinking of attacking rural America where there are countless guns and no police to protect them, here’s a reminder of what happened when a few actually tried it in 2020. The commie revolutionaries tried to disrupt a kids’ birthday party and barely managed to escape alive. And this was just in the suburbs!

Warning: bad language alert!