Like most Americans, I didn’t see the Oscars last night (or most of the nominated movies, although I did love “Darkest Hour.”) I just repainted my bathroom and had to watch the paint dry. But I read about it afterward. Despite the producers’ assurances that they wouldn’t alienate Middle America with a lot of leftwing preaching, the heavy-handed propagandizing was even less surprising than Allison Janney’s win for “I, Tonya” (I hear she thanked the parrot who sat on her shoulder in the film. Maybe it could host next year. It’s funny, photogenic and can parrot liberal talking points. It’s perfect!)
According to the pre-show hype, host Jimmy Kimmel was going to soft-pedal politics and the show would concentrate on the magic of movies. Instead, he took pokes at Trump, Mike Pence, Fox News and the usual targets and called on celebrities to attend an upcoming gun control rally (I guess to him, that IS soft-pedaling his politics).
There was also more than one production number that signaled Hollywood’s liberal virtue more frantically than a one-armed man trying to guide down a plane in heavy fog with a flashlight.
Note to the producers: if you want us to believe that the only political messages that might slip through were spontaneous ad-libs, maybe don’t include elaborately-choreographed, far-left, anti-NRA, pro-open borders musical production numbers with cameos by a dozen leftwing activists, including the president of Planned Parenthood. The hashtag for this show should have been #OscarsSoFullOfIt.
Speaking of that theme, aside from the news that Hollywood has at long last realized that men shouldn’t act like pigs toward women (something most of us between the coasts were taught by our parents by the time we were five), we also learned that Hollywood celebrities think guns are really bad and open borders are really keen. Only silly, paranoid conservatives think they need guns to protect themselves from strangers, 100% of whom are just friends you haven’t met yet. Many stars even wore pins on the red carpet to signal their support for gun control.
That’s easy for them, considering when they arrived at the theater from their walled mansions in gated communities, they were protected by hundreds of armed guards. Variety reports that nearly a mile of Hollywood Boulevard and half a mile of the nearest cross-streets were closed so that the LAPD could set up multiple perimeters. The security army included police helicopters, firetrucks, FBI agents, private security guards and more than 500 armed police officers, walking beats and stationed at strategic points. The estimated cost was $340,000, which at least will be billed to the Academy, not the taxpayers.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge them their tight security, certainly not in the wake of the recent deadly attack in Las Vegas. I just can’t help wondering why they think it’s only sensible to have heavy barricades and hundreds of guards packing artillery to protect them, but we’re awful people for wanting a wall and an AR-15 to protect our families. Again, let me repeat that hashtag: #OscarsSoFullOfIt.
There was one good joke I read that was funny because it was true. “The Big Sick” star Kumail Nanjiani said he was an immigrant from Pakistan and Iowa, “two places nobody in Hollywood can find on a map.”
Well, I don’t have any more to say about the Oscars. But I do have some lines that were sent to me by a couple of comedy writer friends in Texas who watched it so you don’t have to. I thought I’d share a few of their comments – the ones that are repeatable, anyway. Enjoy…
FROM MY COMEDY WRITER FRIENDS IN TEXAS:
Jimmy Kimmel started the show by saying that the Oscar statue is what Hollywood needs more of: men with no male genitalia. A bit self-serving, isn’t that, Jimmy?
When you do a big musical number about how great other cultures are and show a woman in a hijab dancing uninhibitedly, how about mentioning that in many other cultures, doing that in front of men would get her stoned to death.
So Kobe Bryant wins an Oscar? If Harvey Weinstein could average 30 points a game, would they welcome him back, too?
Hard to believe Hollywood is sincerely anti-gun when even the clips for “Best Sound Editing” were all gun fights.
If you’re going to honor a film about a teenager being initiated into gay sex by a man in his 30s, then why ban Kevin Spacey?
ON “THE SHAPE OF WATER” WINNING BEST PICTURE
That movie truly put the “Ick” into ichthyology.
I’ll bet the producers of “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” are kicking themselves right now for not including a sex scene.
First the Academy expels Harvey Weinstein, then they give Oscars to a movie about a woman having sex with a cold-blooded, repulsive monster. Come on, Hollywood, make up your mind!
The win is already having a ripple effect. In the next “Alien” sequel, Sigourney Weaver will sleep with the alien. And to make sure it wins an Oscar, it will be an illegal Alien.
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