In the play/movie “Inherit the Wind,” the lawyer character Henry Drummond tells someone who is offended by his swearing that “Language is a poor enough means of communication. We’ve got to use all the words we’ve got. Besides, there are d**n few words anybody understands."
With so many people these days constantly trying to signal their nonexistent virtue by finding new words to be offended by and demanding they be banned, we’ll be lucky if we don’t end 2021 with no means left to communicate aside from grunts and finger gestures. I know which finger gesture I will reserve for these people.
To help you survive in the Brave New World of 2021, here are the latest no-no words from the PC set:
Dictionary.com already issued a list of words they wanted banned, along with some suggested bland, vague, awkward euphemisms that will earn you a lot of weird looks if you use them, like a space alien trying to blend in with humans but not doing a very good job of it.
Among the words that they are terrified might offend certain identify groups (although I’ve never heard any actual members of these groups complain) are “ninja,” “guru” (guess I now have to be the “Huckabee” “pop culture doyen”), “Nazi” (but what will people like them call anyone to the right of AOC?!), “bingeing” (because saying that you “binge-watched” “Friends” might offend people with eating disorders – like the cast of “Friends”), and “hysterical.”
Why “hysterical”? Because the female root of the word means you would be stepping into “problematic (talk about a word that needs to be baned), sexist territory due to the history of the term.” They smugly add, “Plus, have you ever heard a man being called hysterical?…We’re guessing not.”
Funny, every time I hear that word, this is what immediately springs to mind, and yes, it involves a man:
After editing all those common terms from your vocabulary, you might feel the need for a relaxing drink. If so, don’t you dare go to a tiki bar! The New York Times (speaking of terms that I find offensive) has declared tiki bars to be racist cultural appropriation that must be eradicated. The Times writer must be the only person on Earth who thinks that tiki bars are meant to reflect any actual culture other than fun, midcentury kitsch.
As the pineapple slice on my drinking glass might say, "Bite me." Laura and I live in a 1955 house that we restored to a style she calls “Midcentury Rainforest.” We have a tiki god fountain on our patio. My closet is divided into two sections: 1/3 suits, dress shirts, pants and sweaters, and 2/3rds Hawaiian shirts. And it's going to stay that way.
If any whining PC snowflakes from the New York Times dares to lay one finger on any of our tiki stuff, I will give the command to one of our twelve rescued parrots to remove said finger from your hand. When they’re done with you, you’ll be running to the nearest tiki bar for a big coconut shell full of anesthetic.