I hope you had a fun Fourth of July week, and I hate to break this to you, but it’s about to come to a jarring halt on Monday. Not merely because we all have to go back to work, but because on that day, President Trump will announce his pick to replace Justice Kennedy on the Supreme Court. And I must warn you of what to expect from my expert, insider’s view.
Trump is about to nominate someone so terrifying, horrific and destructive to America that this person should not be allowed to appear in public spaces without being hounded back into seclusion by torch-wielding mobs, like villagers chasing Frankenstein’s monster in old black-and-white movies. This person will be a radical, right-wing extremist whose views on various issues are so out of the mainstream that only 60 to 80 percent of Americans agree with them. It will be a source of bafflement to the press how this outrageously unqualified pick was somehow able to rack up an impressive enough legal resume to earn the federal court confirmation votes of many of the same Senators who are currently quivering with outrage over the SCOTUS nomination. This nominee might even unconscionably approve of the heartless and unconstitutional practice of ripping children from the arms of their illegal immigrant mothers and putting them into temporary foster homes, but not approve of the kindly and constitutional practice of ripping children from their mother’s wombs and putting them into dumpsters.
In fact, if you can think of any evil, vicious, cruel, insane act that would turn America into a racist, sexist, blighted Hellscape, from reinstituting slavery to putting immigrants into concentration camps to forcing women into breeding programs until America is like – what’s the name of that book again? – oh, right: “The Handmaid’s Tale”, then rest assured that this terrifying ghoul will be in favor of it.
And what is this horrible, awful, no good, very bad person’s name?
Beats me. It really doesn’t matter. Everything I wrote above has already been put into the form of press releases, and the DNC is just waiting for Trump to announce the name so it can be inserted before clicking on “Send.”
Is there any part of it that’s actually true? Well, I did use the adjective “insane.” I guess you could argue that whoever accepts the nomination, knowing the tsunami of slander that is about to ensue, might have to be just a little bit crazy.