SATIRE: Lisa Page gets a new job

June 9, 2020 |

THIS IS SATIRE

Most Unsurprising News Of The Day: Former FBI deputy counsel Lisa Page has been hired as a “national security and legal analyst” by MSNBC.

Best known for her anti-Trump texting in late summer 2016 with then-lover Peter Strzok while he was leading the “Crossfire Hurricane” investigation of Trump and for helping him rewrite Michael Flynn's "302" interview notes, she ended up resigning from the FBI. She filed a lawsuit against the DOJ and FBI in December of last year for violating her right to privacy by illegally leaking the text messages.

What Ms. Page doesn’t know is that something else leaked: her job interview with the HR department at MSNBC. Don’t ask us how, but we managed to get the transcript…

HR: Well, Ms. Page, have a seat. We’ve been over your resume, and your work at the FBI is quite impressive.

PAGE: Thank you. As you can see, I REALLY loathe President Trump and will do anything I can to damage him politically. It’s there in my mission statement.

HR: Yes, yes, that is what particularly stood out here. Most impressive. In fact, I’d say it’s the Number One prerequisite for working here.

PAGE: Well, I really, really do. Really.

HR: I see here that you were Andy McCabe’s top legal counsel at the FBI.

PAGE: That’s right. Andy’s a great guy! He really can’t stand Trump, either. Oh, man.

HR: Right. McCabe's over at CNN now. We tried to get him, because he hates Trump SO MUCH, but I guess there was a lot of competition for him and we missed out.

PAGE: They love him over there.

HR: Understandably.

PAGE: They’ve hired ten of my old colleagues over there at CNN, can you believe it? There’s Andy, of course...Mr. Clapper; he was our Director of National Intelligence...James Baker; he was our general counsel and I knew him very well…one of Director Comey’s aides, I believe, Josh Campbell…and some others I know who really hate Trump, too. It’s like the glue that holds them all together.

But you’ve recently hired several people I know here at MSNBC, too. Wow, you’ve got Director Brennan; NOBODY hates Trump more than he does. Head of the CIA, what a catch! And I understand our assistant director for counterintelligence, Frank Figliuzzi, works here now; he used numerology to tie President Trump to the white supremacy movement while we were at the FBI. Fun times. It would also be really nice to work with my old colleague Chuck Rosenberg, Mr. Comey’s chief of staff; he really supported the Steele dossier when we were having trouble passing that off. Oh, and there are others I know who are working here, and they all hate Trump with every fiber of their being. I would feel right at home here.

HR: You’d fit in very nicely. And you’re certainly very qualified, although I see you’ve never worked as a journalist. Fortunately, that doesn’t matter! Even our journalists don’t work as journalists. There’s just one rather sensitive issue…

PAGE: Yes?

HR: We understand that at your previous job, you had an affair with a married co-worker. Is that correct?

PAGE: Well, yes.

HR: We just wanted to make it clear to you that this is not a problem at all. In fact, I think you’ll find that here in the media, people are still having affairs all the time, just like at the FBI. Have as many as you like. The #MeToo Movement applies only to nonconsensual sex involving conservatives.

PAGE: That’s a relief.

HR: So, that said, what do you think is your greatest attribute?

PAGE (smiling brightly): That I hate President Trump?

UPDATE:

LETTER FROM READER ON “LISA PAGE GETS A NEW JOB”

From reader John H:

This is a joke, right? How could this be real?

From Laura:

Hi, John. The “transcript” of Lisa Page’s job interview is indeed a joke --- but I assure you that the underlying news story, Page’s new job at MSNBC, is very real. (The story is at the link I included.)

I imagine that she, as their new legal analyst, might even be reporting on developments regarding the investigation of the FBI. We shall see if they have her cover those stories or pass them to someone else who is just as biased but perhaps not directly involved! She might be "recused" from talking about those on-air, not because of her bias but to shield her from getting into even more legal hot water than she's already in. Unbelievable but true.

All the mentions in the "transcript" of others who have been hired by CNN (such as Andrew McCabe) and MSNBC (such as John Brennan) are real as well. I’m a big believer in the principle that comedy should be based on truth, even if it makes you laugh until you cry.

IF YOU MISSED LAURA'S STORY CLICK HERE>>>

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Comments 1-12 of 12

  • Diane Rowlands

    06/12/2020 05:54 PM

    I never watch msnbc. I just feel they are dishonest in reporting.

  • Gregory G Keller

    06/11/2020 01:49 PM

    Hahahahahaha lol awesome so awesome and TRUE PERIOD I can't stop laughing I'm laughing so hard I'm going to pee my pants

  • Diane Kerchner

    06/11/2020 01:40 PM

    Ms. Ainsworth, Please tell me this interview is tongue-in-cheek and not true? This is unimaginable in its corruption and bias.
    TY.
    A responsible citizen

  • Verla R White

    06/11/2020 11:53 AM

    Thanks Mike. I did not see the entire thing on cable. Very interesting! Love,

  • L.B.

    06/11/2020 11:30 AM

    This is shocking. Like others wonder, is it actually true? Is this the actual transcript of Page's interview with MSNBC's HR dept? If so, this confirms that TH (Trump hate) has permeated all levels of the swamp as has been suspected. This also puts renewed emphasis on the importance of DTS (draining the swamp).

  • J Harold Mohler

    06/11/2020 09:57 AM

    Unfortunately all to true is there any sense of right or wrong either in the government or elsewhere through out the nation!!

  • Victoria Vicki Jugo-Litiatco

    06/10/2020 06:12 PM

    Did that dialouge really take place at the MSNBC Human Resources? I'm quite aware that they are kinda of uncultured but to that extent??! It's so incomprehensibly repulsive and evil.

  • Roxie Jones

    06/10/2020 05:20 PM

    That is one of the worst accounts I have ever read. People today have no conscience. They truly will do and say anything.

  • John H

    06/10/2020 04:02 PM

    This is a joke right? How could this be real?

  • Diane Rowlands

    06/10/2020 10:21 AM

    unbelievable.

  • Carol Galvin

    06/09/2020 07:28 PM

    I started to laugh because it sounded like a joke!! What kind of morons are these anyway?? I'm glad I am on the side that actually has class as well as a good education. It sounded like they were having a mock up interview in middle school!

  • Connie Gibson

    06/09/2020 02:44 PM

    What a joke!!! Not surprised NBC.. ratings dripping