January 25, 2019

If you want to read something hilarious (and who doesn’t need that right now?), check out “Beto’s Blog,” a parody site based on the poetically mundane musings of Texas congressman, failed senatorial candidate and sort-of Presidential hopeful Robert “Beto” O’Rourke. It was reportedly inspired by the tweeting he did while sitting in the dentist’s chair, taking selfies while flashing those Kennedy-esque teeth, frothy gums exposed. Here’s just a little excerpt, as offered by FOX News’ Tucker Carlson on Thursday night:

“Have been stuck lately. In and out of a funk. My last day of work was January 2nd. It’s been more than twenty years since I was last not working...Maybe if I get moving, on the road, meet people, learn about what’s going on where they live, have some adventure...go where I don’t know and I’m not known, it’ll clear my head, reset, I’ll think new thoughts, break out of the loops I’ve been stuck in.”

Quite amusing. Here’s more…

Commentary continues below advertisement

“Drove to Dalhart. Ate at the Grill. Was last there in August of 2017. Green chile cheeseburger. The table over asked if I was Beto.”

“Found some crab claws. Maybe left by a bird. Walked out on a pier. Looked out, took some pictures. Leaned over, scooped up water and washed my face. Picked up beer cans that someone had left.”

But, April Fool, a couple of months early! These fascinating, utterly mesmerizing lines read by Tucker weren’t from the parody account at all, but from O’Rourke’s ACTUAL online diary. Real life is so weird, it’s hard to do satire any more. But it can be done (I'm a parodist myself); here’s the satire:

From the PARODY “entries,” I like this one: “Vulnerability is the music of the soul. It is played in the key of B. B for Beto.”

And this: “I know what it’s like to be exiled. Pushed out. Jack tells me I’m really Beto. Funny how everyone thinks they know who Beto is. The skater. The poet. The sword that seals the darkness.”

Thanks so much to whoever is doing this. We at love you.

Apparently, though, “Beto,” or someone acting on his behalf, doesn’t love it so much. According to a story in THE DAILY CALLER, “Beto’s Blog” was permanently suspended by Twitter on Tuesday night for violating their “impersonation” rules, saying it was “pretending to be another entity in order to deceive.” Granted, O’Rourke’s actual navel-gazings are not any less out-there than this parody. But high-profile conservatives pointed out that there are numerous Twitter accounts with impersonations of President Trump that are not obvious parodies, and they are allowed.

Twitter could have just asked the person running this account to obviously identify it as PARODY, instead of going to all the trouble of shutting it down. There is much, much else Twitter should be concerned with shutting down; for example, violent threats (such as those directed to the Covington High School boys and their parents), hate, filth. Why go after this little bit of fun and gentle humor?

Some of the responses to the parody“shutdown” were just as hilarious…

At least it took just a couple of hours for Twitter to backtrack on the Beto parody, sending an email to the account owner saying that it would be restored and not subject to permanent suspension as long as the bio and handle were updated within 48 hours.

Now the bio clearly states that it is a PARODY ACCOUNT. The handle is “@BetoFakeBlog” and the account name is “Not Beto’s Journal.”

I guess it’s good that they clarified this, as Beto’s actual journal is just as ridiculous as the parody.


“Beto” O’Rourke and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have some things in common:

1. As far as ideas go, they’ve offered nothing good (and in some cases, very, very bad) in the way of policy.

2. They both are media darlings because they’re leftists, the camera likes them (her more than him) and they both have big, toothy smiles. She looks a little like Frida Kahlo and has the same socialist politics (Kahlo was an intimate friend of Trotsky.). He looks a little like Robert Kennedy, is tall and lanky and as tan as he can get and likes to roll up his sleeves.

Commentary continues below advertisement

3. They have already been on more magazine covers than Melania Trump will be in her whole life.

4. They both have mastered the social media art of sharing the most mundane aspects of their lives.

Millennials, being (in general) dismally uninformed, will often vote for someone just for that. All the candidates know this and are trying to do the same thing, but it usually comes off as really lame, as when Elizabeth Warren suddenly got thirsty for a brewski and decided to swig one on-camera.

There are a few differences between O’Rourke and AOC as well. O’Rourke is so rich, AOC would definitely be taxing him at 70 percent --- more like 120 percent, if she could get away with it. She’s a Latina; O’Rourke is just pretending to be a Latino while his supporters play along. AOC is extremely forthcoming and strident in her beliefs; O’Rourke is not so much, saying nebulous things like, “We really have to have a conversation about that,” or “I’ve been thinking about that a lot and talking to people I meet every day.” The key factor there is that he’s probably running for President and she is not.

If she were old enough (35; she’s 29), she’d be running, too. Who needs age, wisdom and experience? She photographs well, is full of energy and shares pictures of the foods she makes in her own tiny Bronx kitchen. (The mac-and-cheese did look good.)

Oh, and she just made the cover of the HOLLYWOOD REPORTER, with a worshipful article inside. (“Ocasio-Cortez has become the new face of the resistance, electrifying the media, emerging as a hero to millennials alienated by broken government, and confounding establishment Democrats as much as the ‘alt-right dudebros,’ as she calls them, who have attempted to trivialize and villainize her.”

The reason for this fawning attention is some previous attention: She’s the subject of a documentary called KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE that chronicles her congressional campaign, as an example of someone who mounted a challenge to an incumbent Democrat. (According to the article, It was O-C’s “star power” that helped the director raise money to finish the film.) At the time this article was written, she was about to attend the film’s debut at the Sundance Film Festival.

No doubt she was welcomed with open arms by the Hollywood crowd. And she knows how to treat them right: “L.A. has some of the most progressive and activist communities in the country,” she says.

If you manage to get through this lengthy article without throwing your phone or laptop across the room, you’ll see that this is someone absolutely steeped in identify politics. This should come as no surprise, as she has flat-out called the President a racist. Of course, everyone on the left now has permission to call the President and his supporters racists, so they are going to. They’ll call everybody who doesn’t think exactly like them a racist, too.

If AOC kept a meandering “Beto”-style diary, I wonder how it would read. Judging from this article, it would go something like this: “Need to do some laundry. Better put on some brow pencil first so I can post the video. Need to wash my "Che" t-shirt.  F*** it, laundry soap is too white.  Never did find Mitch McConnell but didn’t really want to --- who would? Just wait till those white dudes aren’t in charge any more.”



Leave a Comment

Note: Fields marked with an * are required.

Your Information
Your Comment
BBML accepted!

Comments 1-2 of 2

  • James Evart

    01/25/2019 06:19 PM

    "I asked God for strength that I might achieve, I was made weak that I might learn to humbly obey.
    I asked for health that I might do greater things, I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
    I asked for riches that I might be happy, I was given poverty that I might be wise.
    I asked for power that I might have the praise of men, I was given weakness that I might feel the need for God.
    I asked for all things that I might enjoy life, I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
    I got nothing I asked for, but everything I hoped for.
    Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
    I am, among all men, most richly blessed."............... attributed to an anonymous Confederate soldier

  • Vickie Fiorentino

    01/25/2019 11:16 AM

    It's amazing how many "HEADLINER READERS" we have that belive that news! It's as if the millineals cannot think fo themselbes!