This guest post is courtesy of Laura Ainsworth, who by day is a mild-mannered topical comedy writer/parodist for radio and the Internet, but by night changes into a sultry retro jazz singer/songwriter. Check out her acclaimed new album "New Vintage" and best-of vinyl LP "Top Shelf" at www.lauraainsworth.com.
THE LEGEND OF ELIZABETH WARREN
On the plains of Oklahoma
Nowhere near the Big-Sea water
Stood the wigwam of Liz Warren
Daughter of the Loon, Liz Warren
She was told from early childhood
Cherokees had intermarried
Making her their blood relation
This was really pretty common
On the plains of Oklahoma
Then she moved from Oklahoma
To the land called Massachusetts
Proud she was of being “native”
Checked the box for job at Harvard
Harvard used it in statistics
Showing they’re diverse in hiring
“Native” recipes she offered
For authentic native cookbook
Came straight from the Sunday paper
Made with crabmeat, so delicious
Cherokees would surely like them
Came to be a politician
In the land of Massachusetts
Used it running for the Senate
Criticized but didn’t waver
Stuck to her unlikely story
Evidence was not forthcoming
Didn’t matter to Progressives
She could say she hailed from Saturn
Daughter of the Loon --- elected!
Now it’s nearing 2020
Looking towards the next election
Got the nickname “Pocahontas”
Critics say the name is racist
But they really just don’t get it
“Pocahontas” isn’t racist
Only ridicules this woman
Makes good fun of old Liz Warren
When she truly does deserve it
She denies that she is running
But she says that she is native
When we know she likely isn’t
Why then should we just believe her
When she says she isn’t running?
Speaks the way they learn at Harvard
Lawyer-speak with tongue so fork-ed
Weasel words to give her leeway
Daughter of the Loon, a weasel
Now there is a DNA test
It is very inexpensive
This is based on proven science
Doesn’t lie like politicians
Doesn’t humor self-deception
Or deception of the voters
(Also tells you male or female ---
Estrogen will never change that
Nor will surgical “assignment”)
Pardon me for my digressing
We were speaking of Liz Warren
In the land of Massachusetts
Near the shining Big-Sea Water
Dwells a Presidential hopeful
Waiting for the perfect moment
To admit that she is running
Needs to quit the lame excuses
Just a drop of blood will tell it
Maybe Cherokee is in there
Maybe but I strongly doubt it
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Today's Commentary: Monica Lewinsky, 20 years later -- A question for liberal Governors -- Steve Scalise talks about gun control -- Trump cuts costs -- "Woke Forest" -- "It's the economy stupid." -- Additional Mike Huckabee commentaries
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READ THIS NEWSLETTER ON MIKEHUCKABEE.COM
##Appellation##,
It’s been 20 years since Bill Clinton ensnared himself in a legal and moral mess dubbed “the Monica Lewinsky scandal.” I always thought it should have been called “the Bill Clinton scandal,” but the Clintons had so many scandals –- about five a week, it seemed –- that we needed names to differentiate them all. For that reason, this particular scandal will always carry the name of the woman who, as a naive 22-year-old White House intern, had the misfortune of getting involved with Bill.
Lewinsky has written a thoughtful piece for VANITY FAIR that reflects her many years of self-examination and healing from the trauma she experienced. Though I might normally choose not to comment now on the choices she made 20 years ago, the fact that she has gone public with her feelings and writes so intelligently about them makes me feel that I can.
READ MORE OF MY COMMENTARY AND LEAVE ME A COMMENT. I READ THEM!
Mike Huckabee
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By Mike Huckabee
Monday, during a meeting of the National Governors Association at the White House, Washington Gov. Jay Inslee confronted President Trump about his strong opposition to Trump's suggestion that teachers be allowed to take training and carry concealed weapons to deter would-be school attackers. Gov. Inslee said, “Educators should educate, and they should not be foisted upon this responsibility of packing heat in first-grade classes.”
For the record, nobody is suggesting that all teachers be forced to “pack heat.” The suggestion is that teachers who qualify and volunteer for regular safety training be allowed to carry weapons. Potential attackers don’t have to think that every potential victim is armed for it to deter them; they just have to know that some are and not know which ones.
I also have another question for any liberal governors who are appalled at the idea of armed guards in schools and think having good guys with guns around would make our children less safe:
How many armed guards do you think were protecting that meeting of Governors with the President at the White House, to make sure the liberals could safely denounce armed guards without fear of being attacked?
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By Mike Huckabee
If anyone were going to jump on the gun control bandwagon, you’d think it might be Rep. Steve Scalise, who fought for his life after being shot by a deranged leftist who was trying to kill all the Republicans at a Congressional baseball game practice. But Scalise is now back at work, and he’s strongly defending the Second Amendment.
Pointing to the many failures of government at all levels in Florida, Scalise said, “Let’s focus more on addressing these problems in mental health that we’ve started to deal with in Congress. Let’s close loopholes, let’s figure out what went wrong with government before people start talking about taking away the rights of law-abiding citizens.”
He went on to note that the reason he and his colleagues are alive today is that there happened to be armed officers on the scene (“good guys with guns”) who responded immediately. Having armed officers who actually respond immediately instead of waiting around for five minutes might also be a good starting point if we really want to prevent future shootings.
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By Mike Huckabee
President Trump has struck a deal with Boeing to build new Air Force One planes after complaining about the cost and squeezing them into taking $3.9 billion, which is $1.4 billion less than the initial estimate. That really should be the lead news item all over the media: a Washington politician haggling with a supplier to lower costs is a much more unusual news story than “Man Bites Dog” (especially right after all the South Korean Olympic coverage.)
If Trump can get Boeing to agree to cut their asking price by $1.4 billion, I’m going to ask him to go with me the next time I buy a car.
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By Mike Huckabee
Wake Forest University is going so full “social justice warrior” left that they allow blatantly racist attacks on white conservative students that they would come down on like a bag of anvils if they targeted any other group. Maybe they should change their name to “Woke Forest.”
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By Mike Huckabee
A group of concerned adults in Cincinnati is protesting a local clinic that they say is experimenting on minors by giving them powerful drugs with major physical side effects, drugs that are unapproved for the purpose the clinic is using them for and that have no longterm studies on the health and well-being of children exposed to them.
Oh wait: you say the clinic is giving those powerful, unapproved, unstudied drugs to transgender children to delay them entering puberty?
Well, in that case, go right on experimenting on children!...
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