Laura Ainsworth, Staff writer
All right, I have to say it. A line has been crossed, and this cannot stand.
It was crossed by a strange woman we had mercifully never heard of before, Nina Jankowicz, and it’s not the line you’re thinking of, the one that has to do with trashing the First Amendment, although she (along with the horrid administration that hired her) has crossed that one, too.
No, the line she crossed was in creating that truly terrifying Julie Andrews-style song parody of “Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.” As someone who is, myself, a song parodist who has performed her share of Julie Andrews song parodies, and who has deep respect for Julie Andrews, I simply can’t abide a song associated with her being used as an anthem in praise of government power. The words that come to mind upon hearing this (bleep) are not long at all; in fact, most of them have just four letters.
On the other hand, one thing about this parody is eerily appropriate: It’s a song that was sung by a NANNY. Now we have the GOVERNMENT expecting to be our nanny, telling us what to believe as fact and how to talk to each other about it –- if we’re allowed to talk about it at all. We have to follow nanny's rules and behave. We have to tidy up the nursery. We’ve had elements of the “nanny state” for a long time, increasingly so, but this board is the absolute worst to come along.
As I'd like to think Mary Poppins herself might express it, the idea of having the government as our nanny is “practically putrid in every way.” There’s no amount of sugar that will help this medicine go down.
So let's tell them to go fly a kite.
As for my own parodies, most of them have been recorded for radio stations that could then claim “intellectual property” rights in perpetuity, so unfortunately I can’t share them here. But it has even been said that if Julie Andrews and 'Weird' Al Yankovich had a child, it would be me. I take that as high praise. And I don’t enjoy seeing Weird Al’s name sullied by being mentioned in the same breath as Jankowicz’s. Because their last names are similar, some have even jested that she might be related to him. I’m a huge fan of Weird Al –- even got to meet and talk with him –- and I’m sure he’s the last person who would want his name associated with government censorship.
You’ve probably seen the Jankowicz parody because it’s been played over and over –- even by FOX News, perhaps to scare the life out of those of us who care about free speech. (It worked.) I’m not going to link to it here because it might cause side effects: nausea, vomiting, headache, high blood pressure, stroke, night terrors. It’s not that she can’t sing; she sings well and obviously has done some musical theatre, which she should definitely go back to, fancy degrees or not. No, the horrifying part is the ferocity of her zealousness, which comes through in every note and facial expression.
I’m a little concerned right now that so much focus is on Jankowicz that the discussion will become about HER, as opposed to the very existence of the (shudder) “Disinformation Governance Board.” Perhaps in talking about her now, I’m actually contributing to that. So I’ll make it clear: it’s not enough to get a different director for this board; the whole thing must be scrapped immediately, and anyone who was trying to sneak it in has got to go.
Since I do love to write parody lyrics, I thought it would be fun to write some alternate lyrics myself to “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" that told the REAL story of what the government is trying to do with its assault on so-called “disinformation.” In case you want to sing along, I’ve put the downbeats in capital letters. Here we go!
Laura Ainsworth c 2022
THAT’S our way to take control and MON-itor the nation
WE are here to moderate your EV-ry conversation
We’ll SEE that you’re afraid to speak a-BOUT Election fraud
Don’t TALK of Hunter’s laptop, that is CER-tainly outlawed
Don’t QUIB-ble when we say to get a-NOTH-er booster shot
You’re NOT advised to criticize, ‘cause THIS is what we’ve got:
IF you're a conservative, we'll BLOCK communication
WHEN you contradict us, you’ll be FA-cing litigation!
Just TRAV-el all around the world and YOU will plainly see
That WHAT we do is modeled on the MOD-ern CCP
In OR-well’s Nineteen Eighty-Four, it’s WHAT they had to do
So HERE’S a Min-is-try Of Truth for TWEN-ty twenty-two!
WE have been awaiting this with SUCH anticipation
WHAT we do to language will re-MIND you of castration
Alejandro Mayorkas, head of the Department of Homeland Security, went on the Sunday shows to try to minimize the power of his new board, the “Disinformation Governance Board,” and the woman chosen to head it, Nina Jankowicz. She had, in her words, “let the cat out of the bag” about what she would be doing, and he’d apparently chosen to get ahead of the story by mentioning it to a congressional committee. Free speech advocates were shocked.
So on Sunday, he went on CNN to do damage control, saying that Jankowicz was “eminently qualified” and “a renowned expert in the field of disinformation.” He told Dana Bash that “the board does not have operational ability or authority.”
He went on FOX News Sunday to say that he had no reservations about Jankowicz’s objectivity. “There are people in the department who have a diverse range of views and they’re incredibly dedicated to mission,” he said. “We’re not the opinion police.”
Never mind that this woman has already revealed herself to be a crazed political hack. Talk about being incredibly dedicated to mission! To cite just one of numerous examples, this “renowned expert” believed the Hunter Biden laptop story was disinformation, either from Russia or “a Trump campaign product.” The fact that someone like her was chosen for that job tells us all we need to know.
To downplay this, Jankowicz has reportedly removed her TikTok account from public view.
As for Mayorkas, when he defends the board and Jankowicz, remember that this is the same man who, as head of Homeland Security, maintains that the border is under control. He told outrageous lies about the condition of the border in his testimony last week. The truth about the border is the opposite of what he said, so when he claims his new board is not the opinion police...well, there's good reason to believe the opposite is true. He has destroyed whatever credibility he might have had, and NOTHING he says about this board –- or anything else –- can be believed.
Ironically, he himself is a fountain of disinformation.
Mayorkas also said he could have picked someone from either side of the aisle to head this board. Two problems with that:
1) He didn’t.
2) A real conservative wouldn’t TAKE the job of running a government “disinformation” board.