March 17, 2022

The Babylon Bee recently ran a satirical story about President Biden giving Alaska back to Russia so that he could then be free to get oil from it. It was both bitingly funny and believable enough that USA Today actually ran a “fact-check” on it.

But the poor satirists at the Bee can’t make up ridiculous stories fast enough to stay ahead of reality. A Russian lawmaker who is known as “the Kremlin’s spin doctor” reacted to sanctions on Russia by demanding that the US return all Russian properties it has “seized,” including Alaska.

Two problems with that. First, the US didn’t “seize” Alaska, Russia sold it to us in 1867 for $7.2 million, and wags pointed out that Russia doesn’t have enough money to refund that much now.

The second problem, as Alaska Gov. Mike Dunleavy pointed out, is that if Russia can’t even beat the Ukrainians, they’d better think twice before they send their army to be slaughtered by all the heavily-armed Alaskans.