Observations on some of the races around the nation:
America dodged two bullets in Florida, where President Trump helped rally voter turnout to upend the polls and elected Republicans Rick Scott as Senator (over Democratic incumbent Bill Nelson) and Ron DeSantis over former Tampa Mayor Andrew Gillum. Aside from his questionable ethics and tendency to play the race card, Gillum is a hard leftist whose tax-raising, government-giveaway platform would have done to Florida’s economic boom what a hungry alligator will do to your leg. He also would have had immense sway over the way Florida conducted the 2020 election, virtually guaranteeing that the key swing state would turn blue (and Republicans have enough to worry about with the state voting to restore the voting rights of over a million convicted felons, as natural a Democratic constituency as cemetery residents.)
In Texas, Sen. Ted Cruz won a narrow victory over Robert “Beto” O’Rourke (by the way, since liberals get so riled up over “cultural appropriation,” why are they so gaga over an Irish guy who runs under a Hispanic nickname? If he were an Irish guy who opened a burrito shop, they’d have eviscerated him on Twitter.) As devastating as the vote was for "Beto" groupies, some leftwing political savants, such as Alyssa Milano, have already sucked it up and are urging him to run for President. Because losing one statewide race is more than enough experience for the highest-level executive job in the world. Besides, he has such presidential hair!
Former news outlet Reuters even produced a slick, two-minute video about how, win or lose, “Beto” was “set to emerge victorious.” So he won, even though he lost. How can I get that deal in a political run?! He’s so cool, his concession speech looked like a rock concert, and he even dropped an F-bomb during it. Yep, that’s the man America needs to “raise the tone” in politics.
O’Rourke was the latest example of liberals, who mock Christians for their “irrational” beliefs, fixating on a politician as a charismatic savior and imbuing him with powers beyond mortal humans. But he did do Republicans a service by acting as a magnet for so much foolishly-donated Democratic money. He soaked up $70 million from starry-eyed Betomaniacs, many from states where the money might have helped Democrats win in competitive local races. It was the most expensive Senate race in US history, and he still lost to Ted Cruz. I hope he at least bought a really rad skateboard with some of it.
In Tennessee, the “Taylor Swift effect” fizzled. The pop star jettisoned her longtime wise refusal to alienate half her audience with partisan political statements by issuing a strident, DNC talking points-style attack on GOP Senate candidate Marsha Blackburn as anti-woman, anti-gay and all the usual false “h8er” cliches commonly aimed at Republicans on social media – Ms Swift’s brave “progressive” coming-out coincidentally timed for release just hours after the final sold-out concert of her US stadium tour.
But Blackburn easily defeated former Gov. Phil Bredesen, showing that Tennessee voters, like most thinking Americans, hear celebrity political endorsements and shake-shake-shake them off. As one pundit put it to Taylor Swift, "Hope it was worth it!"
Two of the most disappointing Senate race results were also two of the most expected. New Jersey Democrat Bob Menendez and Hawaii’s Mazie Hirono were reelected in their deep-blue states, despite both richly deserving a move to careers in the fast food service industry. The New Jersey Star-Ledger newspaper showed its prioritizing of Trump "resistance" over everything else by writing that Menendez (whose ethical scandals involve both finances and sexual allegations I won’t even go into) is an “awful candidate” whose reelection bid was an “act of profound narcissism” and it was a “miracle” (not the term I'd use) that he wasn’t convicted of bribery and corruption – but then urged readers to “choke it down” and vote for him anyway, because “when you get past ethics, the central issue in this race is Donald Trump.” They should adopt that as a motto: “The newspaper for people who’ve gotten past ethics.”
Menendez’s win, predictable as it was, reminds me of the old joke about the Hollywood actress stuck in a bad movie who griped, “Who do you have to sleep with to get thrown off this picture?” In his case, it’s “Who does a Democrat have to get in bed with to get thrown out of office in New Jersey?”
As for Maizie Hirono, her reelection was a foregone conclusion, but if Hawaiians couldn’t bring themselves to vote for a Republican, then they should have written in Elvis or someone else – anything but reward a woman who became the spokesperson for the sexist scrapping of due process and the presumption of innocence during the Kavanaugh hearings. She should have been thrown out of the Senate at that moment for violating her oath of office to protect the Constitution. Now, we’re stuck with six more years of her. Unless, of course, someone accuses her of a heinous crime. Then, using her own standards of justice, we can declare her guilty without evidence and demand that she step aside.
Finally, at this writing, in Arizona’s Senate race, Republican combat pilot veteran Martha McSally is clinging to a shockingly tiny lead over Kyrsten Sinema, despite almost daily revelations that Sinema is a far-left phony who not-so-carefully hid her real beliefs from Arizona voters, whom she holds in utter contempt as dumb rightwing hicks from a “meth lab” of a state. Biased local media have reportedly done their best to keep Arizona voters from hearing about this. Maybe, instead of electing a leftwing Trojan Horse as Senator, they need a referendum on expanding Internet service statewide.
Finally, I know many of you are depressed, but try to cheer up. You don’t want to be like those liberals with their chins on the floor on the last election day. It’s not great, but it could definitely have been worse. The deck was historically stacked against the Republicans, but Democrats won fewer House seats than some “experts” predicted, and Republican gain in the Senate was virtually unheard of.
Plus, we’ll now have two years of public pronouncements by Nancy Pelosi to make fun of. To give us a sneak preview, in her victory speech, she accused Republicans of only caring about the rich (she and her husband reportedly have assets of nearly $33 million and a net worth of around $16 million, which I assure you is more than mine.) But the real head-scratcher came when, in pushing for government health care, she exhorted the crowd, “Let’s hear it for pre-existing conditions!”
Jaw-droppers like that are Rep. Pelosi's preexisting condition. I don’t know about the rest of America, but at least I’ll have job security for the next two years.