With the State of the Union Address back on, Trump economic adviser Larry Kudlow offered suggestions for what Trump should say to tout his many economic victories.

https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/state-of-the-union-2019-the-trump-economy-is-a-success-story-not-even-his-harshest-critics-can-deny

Since it seems unfair for Trump to get advice about his speech and not offer any to the Democrats, I asked “Huckabee” writer Pat Reeder to write a script for a suggested “Democratic Response” to the SOTU Address.  Here’s what he suggests…

CAMERA UP ON CHUCK SCHUMER AND NANCY PELOSI STANDING RIGIDLY, SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER, IN FRONT OF A PEACOCK-TAIL ARRANGEMENT OF AT LEAST 400 AMERICAN FLAGS.  THROUGHOUT THE SPEECH, BOTH STARE BUG-EYED AND UNBLINKING INTO THE CAMERA AS IF FACING A FIRING SQUAD OR ENGAGING IN A STARING CONTEST WITH AN OIL PAINTING. 

Pelosi:  Good evening… 

Schumer:  Good evening…

Pelosi:  We apologize if that gave you goosebumps.  Any resemblance between our on-camera demeanor and that of Alfred Hitchcock is purely unintentional.  

Schumer: Tonight, President Trump tried to bamboozle you with a lot of “numbers” and “statistics” and “facts” that, while they might be accurate, are morally wrong.

Pelosi:  You might even be inclined to believe his claim that your life started going a lot better the minute we left power. 

Schumer:  With all due respect, this is because you are dumb and believe “faux news” from partisan sources, such as Fox, Rush Limbaugh and your own eyes. 

Pelosi: We have incontrovertible – for those of you in flyover country, that means “true” – proof that the economy actually does better under Democrats.  Top university professors, the kind who taught economics to the leaders of tomorrow, like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, have done studies proving that our policies are better for economic growth and job creation.

Schumer:  It’s only due to unlucky timing that the positive effects of policies by Democratic Presidents such as Carter and Obama don’t kick in until after they leave office and Republicans steal the credit. 

Pelosi:  That’s why we Democrats are here to set the record straight and make the case for why voters should once again entrust us with all three branches of government: the White House, the House and the Senate.

Schumer:  Tonight, President Trump boasted about the economy as if he deserves credit rather than blame.  He actually bragged that more women are working now that at any time in the past 65 years.

Pelosi:  It was shocking indeed to hear a President of the United States admit that he wants to turn back the clock 65 years and make women slaves.

Schumer:  President Trump also pointed to the 3.9% unemployment rate, the 4.4% Hispanic jobless rate and the 5.9% black unemployment rate.  He ignored the appalling fact that the rates for Hispanics and African-Americans are still higher than the overall rate.  There is no excuse for this oversight, as CNN and MSNBC devote much of their economic news coverage to it.   

Pelosi:  Democrats reject this racist inequality.  Elect us back to power, and we will bring the unemployment rates of all peoples up to the same level.  Equality! That’s the American way!

Schumer:  The President also mentioned that for the first time ever, there are more job openings than job applicants.  This is a real crisis.  Who is going to do all those jobs?  This is why we need open borders: so that we can once again return to the days when there were hundreds of applicants for every job, so no job, no matter how unappealing, went undone.

Pelosi:  Under Democratic leadership, you knew every job holder was more than qualified. Under the Republicans, you no longer have a Ph.D. to take your order at Burger King. 

Schumer:  As for the return of manufacturing jobs that the President spoke of, does he not realize how hard his predecessors worked to send those environmentally toxic jobs to other parts of the world, so that Americans could enjoy their time on unemployment, and when that ran out, disability, in a safe, clean, pollution-free environment? 

Pelosi: If given another chance, Democrats can get that toxic GDP growth number down to the point that America becomes a virtual Garden of Eden -- although you will not be allowed to refer to it that way in public schools or any government building. 

Schumer:  When President Trump complains about how many American jobs and dollars are flowing to China, remember: they’re inhaling smoke while we’re taxing cigarettes. 

Pelosi:  Who’s looking out for your health?  The Democrats are!

Schumer:  So when he talks of having a GDP growth rate twice that of President Obama’s, think of that as doubling the amount of arsenic in your water supply.  I’m sure you see our point.    

Pelosi:  We Democrats believe in the American Dream – so much so that we think everyone on Earth has a legal right to come here and try to achieve it. 

Schumer:  We want to build bridges, not walls.

Pelosi: Although we also want strict EPA regulations that will prevent any bridges from being built, too. 

Schumer:  We believe in free health care for all, free college for all, and a free minimum income.

Pelosi:  …That someone else will pay for.

Schumer:  So in conclusion, whoever the next Democratic nominee for President might be – whether radical socialist or moderate centrist socialist – please give him, her or xir your full support. 

Pelosi:  Don’t throw away your vote on an unviable third party spoiler like Howard Schultz.

Schumer:  You have our personal guarantee that every Democrat running for President is at least as qualified to work for Starbucks as he is.

Pelosi:  Thank you.

Schumer:  And may whatever deity you do or don’t believe in bless America. 

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Comments 1-17 of 17

  • Carol Mathews

    02/01/2019 03:20 AM

    Love it wish someone would actually get it to Pol and Shu. Maybe Tucker or Hannity would read it on the air.

  • Janice Tucker

    01/31/2019 09:22 AM

    That was very well done! Keep up the good work!!

  • Cheryl Veon

    01/31/2019 08:55 AM

    You forgot to add that they are assigning radical muslims in diplomatic areas of foreign affairs, religious aspects of schools, government and law. Our culture tries to instill doctrines of peace and radical islam does not not... Our laws and culture are being destroyed by radical islam and radical democrats; one in the same. These perpetrators need to be removed from our country!

  • Luetta Wood

    01/30/2019 08:46 PM

    This would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad and pathetic!

  • joseph orsini

    01/30/2019 08:28 PM

    Abortion - Dem's push for abortion opens the biggest opportunity for Republicans' opportunity to get support from Hispanics. I hope we don't waste it.

  • Don Gertge

    01/30/2019 05:20 PM

    And what ever you do ,do not pay any attention that , ( find the correct number) Americans are willing to spend 20,400,000 plus of there own personal funds to build a wall that nobody wants and is immoral.

  • Alice Williams

    01/30/2019 04:12 PM

    That covers the Demorats!

  • Jackie Necaise

    01/30/2019 02:13 PM

    May the almighty God help us because you have just highlighted our countries leaders!!

  • Mr. Leslie L. Robinson

    01/30/2019 02:03 PM

    This purported Democratic Response was both very amusing and spot on. The unfortunate thing is the millennials and many college graduates are like puppies. While they don't understand a single word of what is being said they rely on the tone of voice to establish their level of confidence and belief that the content is good.

  • Ingrid Forsberg

    01/30/2019 01:30 PM

    No matter what President Trump says- No matter how many actual facts he gives- those that hate him will still hate him & will reject EVERYTHING he says. They'll prove themselves hopeless, unwise, and really stupid. The lairs themselves will call President Trump a liar & will refuse EVERYTHING Trump says as a lie. I personally know a person living in Texas who refuses to even look at (or consider) the obvious need for a border wall.

  • Bruce Jory

    01/30/2019 01:12 PM

    Kamele Harris said we could have gun control if we required congress to view the autopsies of the children killed at Sandy Hook! I say let's make all the democrats view the abortions that are performed by Planned Parenthood and then we can stop this infanticide insanity. Next they will be legalizing abortions after birth to 6 mos.

  • Gretchen Grant

    01/30/2019 01:06 PM

    Priceless!!!! Hit the nail on the head!!!! Thanks for making my day. I won't have to listen to the Democratic response....I wouldn't have anyway.

  • Allen M Swatsworth

    01/30/2019 01:02 PM

    Oh please, I haven't laughed that hard in years. Nice article and boy does it point out all the "good" things the left has given us in the past. It sure will be nice to see America send these socialist loving people to their safe space to play with their crayons. Keep up the good work and let us see and read more of this funny stuff.

  • WILLIAM BEVINGTON

    01/30/2019 12:19 PM

    SAD BUT TRUE!

  • Randy Pittman

    01/30/2019 12:05 PM

    Excellent!!! That’s exactly what they will be saying, even though they will be very good at disguising it to fool even all the dumbed down people that continue to belive and support them. God Bless America and for President Trump who’s actually fulfilling his campaign promises in spite of all the opposition from the Donkey Party and the Liberal mainstream media that are all about destroying the our constitution and our “government of the people, by the people, and for the people “, and replacing it with a socialistic government. It’s always been apparent to me that we didn’t win the Cold War with Russia by our policies, they destroyed themselves by their socialist economics. How could anyone with a brain at all think that would be a good idea for America?

  • Amelia Little

    01/30/2019 11:12 AM

    Probably is going to be a true scenario!!! Can just see msm running the likes of this for a few weeks after the SOTU address, along with opinions from ocasio, good ol' maxine, Guam-tipping johnson, spartacus and all the democrat-wanna-run-for-President folks. Probably would run stellar responses from obama and hilary while they are at it. Hmm, somebody must have leaked the memo about how to respond to Pat!!

  • Kip Keperling

    01/30/2019 11:10 AM

    This is priceless!
    You made our day Governor Huckabee.
    We can only imagine what horrible theater we will see next Tuesday by Abrams the failed candidate.