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Today's Commentary: Scientists discover Black Hole within DOJ --- Join me in Branson on June 12 -- Fancy Nancy -- Kim Kardashian gets results -- Nancy Drew -- Evening Edition - Daily Verse
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In breaking news, a team of physicists, astronomers and mathematicians at MIT has completed a study of the U.S. Department of Justice headquarters that finds it to be the bureaucratic equivalent of a Black Hole for documents. They have proved their hypothesis that the DOJ contains, deep below ground, a mysterious gravitational pull so powerful that documents cannot escape it.
Their incredible findings, certainly worthy of the Nobel Prize for Physics, give new meaning to the term “political science” and explain much of what is observed today in the bowels of the Department of Justice. What appears to be stonewalling isn’t stonewalling at all, but rather an exciting natural phenomenon that has even top scientists scratching their heads. It’s amazing: the Inspector General can send over a 500-page report for internal review before it’s supposed to be turned over to congressional oversight committees, and it never gets to Congress. Key documents relating to the FBI’s “Russia” investigation promised to legislators on Thursday appear to have been swallowed whole and cannot be detected even with the most advanced technology.
Oddly, a few members of Congress such as Trey Gowdy and Paul Ryan have expressed confidence in the DOJ and FBI, even without seeing these important documents. They seem oddly accepting of the use of spies (“confidential human sources”) within a presidential campaign, something that would be met with outrage by normal humans. Scientists have not yet been able to explain this, however, saying it falls more into the realm of science fiction, like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”
In related news just reported by The New York Times, the DOJ is getting serious about tracking down leaks of classified information, even confiscating journalists’ email and phone records. This has already resulted in the arrest of a former staffer on the Senate Intelligence Committee, former Army intelligence analyst James A. Wolfe, who allegedly lied to the FBI about providing sensitive information to reporters. Yes, it’s important to plug such leaks, but going about it this way would seem to be a gross violation of the First Amendment freedom of speech and the press. Also, the intense gravitational pull exerted by the DOJ’s Black Hole means that if reporters have to turn over their cell phones, they will surely never see them again.
But back to the documents. Although the DOJ had promised lawmakers access on Thursday morning to key documents from the FBI’s “Russia” probe, those materials apparently fell into the Black Hole just hours before, because officials issued a press release to reporters shortly after midnight calling for a delay. (Members of Congress were reportedly not even notified.) It said they’ll meet only with a select group of legislators to “discuss the matter,” and they want to reschedule the briefing to coincide with opening day of the North Korea summit in Singapore. That way, no matter what happens concerning the documents, no one will be paying attention.
DOJ officials are insisting the documents were physically present at a briefing held on May 24, but no members of Congress actually saw them, so at this point it appears they have been sucked into the Black Hole. Incidentally, it was after this meeting that Trey Gowdy began talking strangely, so perhaps that is when he was taken over by a pod person. The research team had no comment on that and would need a sizable research grant to study it.
Scientists warn that any documents not sucked into the Black Hole are likely to be covered with mysterious, monolithic black bars. Sometimes entire pages of information are blacked out. The cause of these bars is not known; they resemble the black bars used for redaction done by intelligence officials for national security purposes, but national security is not known to be an issue here. They remain a mystery.
Join me in Branson June 12
By Mike Huckabee
I'm coming to Branson at Silver Dollar City on June 12th.
Join me and a host of great guests including Tony Orlando, Irish Tenor, Anthony Kearns, Country singer Moe Bandy, the Shanghai Acrobats and much more! The show starts at 11 am at the SDC Opera House and ends at 1pm. You'll even get first entry and the best VIP seats in the house! Attending the show is free, but you will need to purchase an admission ticket to the park. You can enjoy all the attractions and other great Silver Dollar City shows the rest of the day. Just click here for all the details:
By Mike Huckabee
Back in the days when “Saturday Night Live” was funny, they used to do sketches about a character named “Debbie Downer.” No matter what upbeat news anyone around her shared, she would always find a way to turn it into something horrible and depressing. She would follow this by putting on a pained expression as a sad trombone went, “Wuh-wuh-wuuuuh!” Depressingly, you can’t find Debbie Downer on “SNL” anymore, but you can still catch her on C-SPAN. Except she now goes by the name of “Nancy Pelosi.”
When the GOP tax cut passed and dozens of corporations were announcing that they would share it with their workers through raises, increased benefits and bonuses of $1000 or more, Nancy took to the podium to dismiss the bill as a “tax scam” that only benefited the evil rich and to scoff that the raises and bonuses were mere “crumbs.” “Wuh-wuh-wuuuuh!” (To channel Jeff Foxworthy, if you think a thousand bucks is a “crumb,” then you just might be the evil rich yourself).
Next came word that unemployment, including black and Latino unemployment, were dropping to levels so low, their likes hadn’t been seen in decades. Nancy's response: she moaned that those numbers “mean little” to the American people, who are still suffering from stagnant wages. “Wuh-wuh-wuuuuh!” (Hate to bring this up, but the problem of stagnant wages implies that they haven't gone up in a long time, so doesn't that mean they would have been stagnant when Democrats like her were in charge? Incidentally, the newest numbers show jobless claims at the lowest level in 44 years and black unemployment at the lowest level since 1972.)
This week, Negative Nancy has a new dirge: Never mind the unemployment rate, we have to make wages rise so that we can restore consumer confidence. But wait: it was just reported that consumer confidence is at an 18-year high. “Wuh-wuh-wuuuuh!” (I should point out that government doesn’t make wages rise, other than by hiking the minimum wage too high and killing jobs. Wages rise when employers have to compete to find and keep good workers, and for the first time ever, the number of job openings was surpassed than the number of job seekers. “Wuh-wuh-wuuuuh!”)
While this is like an old “SNL” sketch, it’s also like a new “SNL” sketch in that it’s so biased it’s not funny. I like to believe that Americans want to vote for something, not just against. They want to hear some optimism, that our best days are ahead of us, not behind us; and we don’t have to accept low growth and stagnation as “the new normal.” And if things are going well under your opponent, then don’t try to badmouth good news and depress us, tell us how you can make them even better. But since the only economic plan we’ve heard from the Democrats so far has been to raise taxes back up to make them “fair” again, maybe badmouthing good news is all they’ve got.
This may be what Trump meant when he said America would do so much winning, we’d get tired of winning. Nancy Pelosi must be really sick of Americans doing all that winning. It's very bad for her business. Well, look on the bright side, Rep. Pelosi: at least you created one job…for a sad trombone player.
Kim Kardashian gets results
By Mike Huckabee
The media can mock Kim Kardashian West all it wants, but her trip to the White House got results: President Trump has commuted the sentence of 63-year-old mother-of-five and great-grandmother Alice Johnson. This is not a pardon that clears her record, but she is finally out of prison for the first time in nearly 22 years.
Of course, she was also backed by a number of officials, including the prison warden, who called her a model prisoner who’d accepted responsibility for her crime, as well as an online petition with over 271,000 signatures. But Mrs. Johnson did thank and credit the reality TV star, writing to her, “Ms. Kardashian, you are literally helping to save my life and restore me to my family,” adding, “I believe that history will record that Kim Kardashian had the courage to take a stand against human warehousing and was a key figure in meaningful criminal justice reform becoming a reality." She even called Kim an “angel” and compared her to Rosa Parks for taking a stand that was a “defining moment” in history. I’ll bet you never imagined you’d hear anyone compare Kim Kardashian to an angel or Rosa Parks, but we live in unusual times indeed.
So what was Mrs. Johnson’s crime and why did so many people support her release? In 1993, she was convicted of a non-violent drug charge (money laundering and drug conspiracy) and sentenced to life without parole. Johnson says she never sold drugs or made drug deals, but she agreed to pass notes for some cocaine dealers. At the time, she’d just been divorced, her son had been killed, she’d lost her job and her home had been foreclosed on, and she was desperate. She now says she realizes what she did was wrong and the worst mistake of her life, although that’s no excuse for her actions.
I’m sure I’ll get a lot of negative responses for saying that I applauded Kim Kardashian West’s efforts and support Mrs. Johnson’s release, but I come here to tell you what I honestly think, not to grow my collection of thumbs-up emojis. I’ve long thought that we needed some serious prison reform. Life without parole is the kind of sentence we should give to murderers, but some of them are out in seven years. “Lock ‘em up” is always an applause line for politicians (even when they’re not talking about Hillary Clinton), and there’s never any political advantage to questioning that. But in some cases, it’s neither smart nor effective policy.
A year of prison costs taxpayers more than a year of college (including room and board), and 88% of the prisoners in Arkansas were there for drug- or alcohol-related crimes. Ordering them into treatment would have been far better for them, the budget and society in general. Instead, they got a prison record that made them unemployable and an education in how to commit far worse crimes. Guess how that combination works out.
To be clear: this is in no way an endorsement of being “soft on crime.” Some criminals deserve harsh penalties. When I was Governor, I signed more execution orders than any previous Governor – but only after studying each case thoroughly to insure that justice had been served fairly. I think that if some people who are very pro-death penalty actually had to personally sign the order to execute another human being, it might temper their enthusiasm a bit. But to quote Larry Norris, head of the Arkansas corrections system when I was governor, “We lock people up we’re mad at, rather than the ones we’re afraid of.” Both the offenders and society in general would be better off if we concentrated on reforming the former and incarcerating the latter.
By Mike Huckabee
If you thought that Nancy Drew was a safe haven from social justice warrior proselytizing of children, not anymore. Brace yourself for “Nancy Drew and the Case of the Aggressive LGBTQ Agenda.”
Evening Edition - June 7
By Mike Huckabee
A wrap-up of all the news you might have missed yesterday!
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."
- 2 Corinthians 5:7