December 22, 2016

Every day until Christmas, I’m recounting “Simple Christmas” stories shared with me a few years ago by my radio listeners. If you enjoy these stories, please let me know in the comments below.

After a year in which too many police officers have been the targets of hatred, assaults and even deadly violence, this is a great time to stop and reflect on the many ways in which police officers and other first responders such as firefighters and EMTs give up their holidays so that we can enjoy ours in safety. Many also go above and beyond the call of duty by performing incredible volunteer work. One of those was a listener of mine named Randy, a retired police sergeant from Wyoming. He shared a memory of a time when playing Santa Claus should have come with hazardous duty pay.

Randy wrote: "For many years, it was my distinct pleasure to assume the role of 'real Santa' at Christmas time. Though my sleigh was still a black and white sedan, my uniform changed from dark blues to a genuine Santa suit. I appeared on Christmas Eve, right at bedtime, delivering toys to needy children as well as my fellow officers…who had small children. What made this all work was the 'understanding' of the parents to make sure the kids were close to the front window upon my arrival, that they were not allowed out on the porch (where I left their gifts) until I was out of sight, and under NO circumstances were any pets to be loose.

All the parents were following Santa's instructions to the letter...until I got to my Chief's house. I gently placed (his sons') gifts on the porch (and) began to shake the bells, anticipating three squashed, tiny faces peering into the frosty night, trying to catch a glimpse of Santa. To my surprise...No faces. I shook the bells harder and added a hearty ‘HO, HO, HO!’ Still, no faces.

Now in mid-‘HO,’ I heard the front door open and a small dog barking. 'For cryin' out loud,' I muttered, as I jumped toward the driveway. If only I'd remembered the small wire fence surrounding his wife's flower bed. There was no time to pick myself up, as I heard high-pitched giggles floating on the cold night air. A quick double combat roll placed me out of innocent eyes' way, underneath my boss's pickup truck."

Then Randy heard a noise that seemed to be very close: "I smelled the dog food on his breath a scant millisecond before he yapped out the alarm. The 'WHOA!' that jumped from my lips was cut painfully short as I rammed my head into the pickup's driveline... The thought crossed my mind to reach out and pinch off his little windpipe, but that seemed a bit ugly for Christmas Eve."

A pair of cowboy boots suddenly replaced the dog: "I recognized my boss's voice as the words, 'Merry Christmas, heh, heh, heh," settled onto the cold concrete... 'Merry Christmas, Chief,' I replied as a solitary drop of black engine oil struck me dead center in the forehead. 'THANKS FOR NOT TURNING ON THE PORCH LIGHT!'

I continued on my rounds, a black greasy racing stripe running from my white curly beard to my belt, a well-lubricated lump on my forehead. I finished just as a soft snow began to fall, covering everything in a glistening blanket of white. It seemed the perfect punctuation mark to end another Christmas on Patrol."

Thanks again for that great story, Randy. And thanks to all the police officers who go above and beyond, and sometimes even roll underneath, to keep our holidays safe and happy.

Tomorrow, the story of a small, ugly Christmas tree that just needed a little love (and no, it’s not Charlie Brown’s).

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Comments 1-4 of 4

  • Irene Dominiak

    12/25/2016 11:21 AM

    First, I love U and Trump - so when I rec'd today an article regarding Trump in the PCH (Publishers Clearing House) news section, I felt I'd send 2 U to address or ignore. Title read: Trump exhibiting Clinton-like behavior as president-elect. Donald Trump spent the last two years lambasting rival Hillary Clinton as crooked, corrupt, and weak By Lisa Lerer Associated Press Sun., Dec. 25, 2016, 9:53 am EST Kick up her article. Can U imagine how many people who play the PCH sweepstakes will read and believe her! U get so many tokens when U read news on this one sweeps email! Merry Christmas! No need to respond to me!

  • Daniel Schroder

    12/22/2016 09:21 PM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts; your newsletter is always a great read. Also, thank you for mentioning police officers and first responders. I am a police officer and am grateful whenever someone shows their gratitude!

  • Sergeant First Class Patricia A. McMahon, USA(Ret)

    12/22/2016 08:51 PM

    Thank you for your Christmas stories. They really warm my heart. I look forward to
    reading your messages everyday. You really hit the nail on the head; and do it with humor. You also draw pictures with words so clear, a person has to really try hard NOT to get the message. Thank you very much.

  • Joyce Edwards

    12/22/2016 12:40 PM

    Thank you, Mike - I'm really enjoying the Christmas stories you are sharing, along with your non-politically correct reporting of news events - the Lord bless you!