The Oscars

March 5, 2018

Like most Americans, I didn’t see the Oscars last night (or most of the nominated movies, although I did love “Darkest Hour.”) I just repainted my bathroom and had to watch the paint dry. But I read about it afterward. Despite the producers’ assurances that they wouldn’t alienate Middle America with a lot of leftwing preaching, the heavy-handed propagandizing was even less surprising than Allison Janney’s win for “I, Tonya” (I hear she thanked the parrot who sat on her shoulder in the film. Maybe it could host next year. It’s funny, photogenic and can parrot liberal talking points. It’s perfect!)

According to the pre-show hype, host Jimmy Kimmel was going to soft-pedal politics and the show would concentrate on the magic of movies. Instead, he took pokes at Trump, Mike Pence, Fox News and the usual targets and called on celebrities to attend an upcoming gun control rally (I guess to him, that IS soft-pedaling his politics).

There was also more than one production number that signaled Hollywood’s liberal virtue more frantically than a one-armed man trying to guide down a plane in heavy fog with a flashlight.


Note to the producers: if you want us to believe that the only political messages that might slip through were spontaneous ad-libs, maybe don’t include elaborately-choreographed, far-left, anti-NRA, pro-open borders musical production numbers with cameos by a dozen leftwing activists, including the president of Planned Parenthood. The hashtag for this show should have been #OscarsSoFullOfIt.

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Speaking of that theme, aside from the news that Hollywood has at long last realized that men shouldn’t act like pigs toward women (something most of us between the coasts were taught by our parents by the time we were five), we also learned that Hollywood celebrities think guns are really bad and open borders are really keen. Only silly, paranoid conservatives think they need guns to protect themselves from strangers, 100% of whom are just friends you haven’t met yet. Many stars even wore pins on the red carpet to signal their support for gun control.


That’s easy for them, considering when they arrived at the theater from their walled mansions in gated communities, they were protected by hundreds of armed guards. Variety reports that nearly a mile of Hollywood Boulevard and half a mile of the nearest cross-streets were closed so that the LAPD could set up multiple perimeters. The security army included police helicopters, firetrucks, FBI agents, private security guards and more than 500 armed police officers, walking beats and stationed at strategic points. The estimated cost was $340,000, which at least will be billed to the Academy, not the taxpayers.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge them their tight security, certainly not in the wake of the recent deadly attack in Las Vegas. I just can’t help wondering why they think it’s only sensible to have heavy barricades and hundreds of guards packing artillery to protect them, but we’re awful people for wanting a wall and an AR-15 to protect our families. Again, let me repeat that hashtag: #OscarsSoFullOfIt.

There was one good joke I read that was funny because it was true. “The Big Sick” star Kumail Nanjiani said he was an immigrant from Pakistan and Iowa, “two places nobody in Hollywood can find on a map.”

Well, I don’t have any more to say about the Oscars. But I do have some lines that were sent to me by a couple of comedy writer friends in Texas who watched it so you don’t have to. I thought I’d share a few of their comments – the ones that are repeatable, anyway. Enjoy…

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Jimmy Kimmel started the show by saying that the Oscar statue is what Hollywood needs more of: men with no male genitalia. A bit self-serving, isn’t that, Jimmy?

When you do a big musical number about how great other cultures are and show a woman in a hijab dancing uninhibitedly, how about mentioning that in many other cultures, doing that in front of men would get her stoned to death.

So Kobe Bryant wins an Oscar? If Harvey Weinstein could average 30 points a game, would they welcome him back, too?

Hard to believe Hollywood is sincerely anti-gun when even the clips for “Best Sound Editing” were all gun fights.

If you’re going to honor a film about a teenager being initiated into gay sex by a man in his 30s, then why ban Kevin Spacey?


That movie truly put the “Ick” into ichthyology.

I’ll bet the producers of “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” are kicking themselves right now for not including a sex scene.

First the Academy expels Harvey Weinstein, then they give Oscars to a movie about a woman having sex with a cold-blooded, repulsive monster. Come on, Hollywood, make up your mind!

The win is already having a ripple effect. In the next “Alien” sequel, Sigourney Weaver will sleep with the alien. And to make sure it wins an Oscar, it will be an illegal Alien.



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Comments 1-5 of 10

  • Ann-Morgan Krueger

    03/13/2018 12:13 AM

    I absolutely loved the commentary from your comedy writer friends in Texas!! The comments were hysterically funny...because they were so true. Mike, I highly respect you and value your intelligent perspective and wisdom. The world is a better place because of you and your leadership. Thank you!!

  • Dawn Street

    03/06/2018 11:13 PM

    We didn't watch either. We chose NetFlix, a British series that is on there!!

  • Patricia A. McMahon

    03/06/2018 09:21 PM

    I LIKE IT!! OscarsSoFullOfIt! I'd like your permission to share this with everybody I know. At least watching your bathroom paint dry was more productive. I haven't watched in years. If I wanted to be 'preached to'; I'd go to Catholic Mass. Hollywood is a bunch of ametuers. For heavens sake - Shut up and make good movies... Speaking of which, do you think that the blockbusters that entertain us will EVER go up for Oscars? I watch Independence Day whenever it's on TV. I'll be forwarding your commentaries to all my friends. OscarsSoFullOfIt will give them a laugh. Please
    tell your comedy writer friends they were right on the money.

  • Firewagon

    03/06/2018 06:37 PM

    Glad I didn't watch either, Mr. Gov.. Your TX comedy friends filled in the blanks excellently! Need them on your show sometime. My thought on the Hollywood crowd and their Oscars: It is easy to predict the winners, at least the movie part. Check the nominees. Those with content you can watch with your family without risking being embarrassed, NO CHANCE. You can then flip a coin to determine which film with the most degrading/trashy/homosexual/transgender content is the winner of BEST PICTURE.....Normally, today, to just get nominated requires that the movie contain something outlandishly controversial, a.k.a. completely embarrassing in ANY family setting. Having knowledge of The Shape of Water, or whatever it was called, only through your commentary, is "Beastiality" another, newly, "acceptable life style?"

  • Samuel Smith

    03/06/2018 06:30 PM

    Right to the point I do not watch the Academy Awards, for me all they do is boost about how great they are and how much better they are over the rest of us! The more I here about California the more I thank God I left California in 1982 I did not like it then. I do pray for the good folks that live there and feel sorry for them. Keep up the good work Mr. Huckabee we need good fearing men like you who tell the truth from the heart and from the will of God.